When Fangirls Attack
by JojoLightningfingers
Summary: In which seven of the male Smashers are hunted down and pursued by a mob of crazed fangirls. T for possible sexy material, nothing explicit though. ;3 Hilarity inside!


**Warming: Crack. EVERYWHERE.**

******See, THIS is why I should never write while sleep deprived. XD I end up writing stuff like this.**

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Ike peeked around the corner. "Are they gone?" he asked apprehensively.

"Don't know. Prob'ly not," Snake sounded from below him.

Ike, Snake, Marth, Link, and Pit were all in a backroad, hiding. From what you ask? One word: Fangirls.

Yes, the fangirls had invaded and were busy searching for them. From behind a box, Roy appeared with Satoshi in tow.

"We gotta stick together," Roy said. "It's easier not to get caught if we're all in one group." They snuck out of the alley, keeping a sharp eye out.

Not sharp enough, it seemed. One fangirl saw them and yelled "There they are! GET THE SMEXINESS!!" Instantly, every fangirl in the vicinity shot up and went "OMG WHERE?!" The first one called "THERE!!" and pointed to the worse-than-doomed seven. The fangirls formed a mob and surged toward them, screaming and squee-ing. Ike could swear he saw a bondage chain.

"CRAAAAAAP!!" Snake yelled as he ran in the opposite direction. Pit and Satoshi were yammering random gibberish while bolting to the left. The Fire Emblem trio let out screams of terror and hightailed it right. Link followed Snake, his boots clomping on the ground.

Snake pulled out his Cardboard Box of Camouflage and ducked under it. Link hid behind it. The fangirls spotted it instantly and tore it off, a feral gleaming in their eyes. "Usually, when you hide under a box, you don't pick one that has your logo on it!!" he called over his shoulder as Snake was captured.

The Link fangirls looked up and started after him, their enthusiastic squee-ing following him. He ran as fast as possible, keeping a hold on his hat with a terrified look on his face. As he careened around a corner, a strong arm grasped his and yanked him into an alley. The crazed mob passed him, kicking up a cloud of dust as they went by. Ike clamped a hand over the elf's mouth to keep him from screaming.

When the girls had passed them, Ike let Link go. "Guys? Boy, am I glad to see you!" the blonde gasped. Pit shushed him quietly.

"Not so loud, Link, they'll hear us," Marth whispered.

"I'm too young for this!" Satoshi whimpered.

Roy looked around. "Hey...where's Snake?"

Link winced. "They took him, I couldn't stop them..."

Roy pounded a fist on the wall. "Shoot, he's so dead."

"Worse than dead," Ike amended.

"MUCH worse," Link agreed.

"You don't know what those fangirls are capable of," Roy shuddered. "I've read some of their plans. It's insane. We have to get out of this unscathed or be subjected to their perverted desires."

"Perverted?" Pit asked innocently.

"Don't ask," Ike said quickly as Marth opened his mouth to explain. The teal-hair closed his mouth and scowled at Ike. The taller bluenette ignored the look.

"We need a plan. The enemy's barricaded the castle, but once we get inside, we'll be safe. Not even the power of fangirls can break into the Smash Mansion."

"Problem is...what should we do?"

"Should I fly up and see what the fangirls are up to?" Pit offered.

"Sure, just don't get caught," Ike replied.

The little angel took wing and rose above the rooftops. The mob was busy sniffing from side to side, trying to locate them through scent. _Like animals_, Pit thought. One suddenly looked up and caught sight of the cherub. Her eyes widened; she called to her fellows and pointed. Pit's eye twitched. In one swift motion, the nearest drew out a net gun and fired on the angel. He was too slow to react and fell form the sky, tangled in the webbing.

The fangirls swept forward. Pit tried to hop away, but it was like trying to cut down a tree with a feather – impossible. They were nearly upon him when a hand reached out and grabbed the net. A smoke ball exploded, blinding the fangirls. The seven escaped, but not before one caught sight of a red and yellow cape. As one, their heads turned. The cry rang out, and the fangirls converged upon the group.

"See, that's why you don't wear capes!" Link yelled as he went to the left.

"Shove it, Link! Run, run, RUN!!" Ike roared back, taking the nearest fork. He went as fast as he possibly could while trying not to jostle the angel around too much. They split up again, their separate groups of fangirls in hot pursuit, all of the seven going completely nuts. Ike undid the knot as he ran, freeing Pit. "Head for the hills!" he called to the brunette.

"What hills?!" Pit asked while running. "I don't see any!"

"Figure of speech!" Ike yelled. The end of the alley was almost upon them, same for the squealing fangirls. The road led to an open – and surprisingly fangirl-free – area.

"This way!" Ike pointed down the backroad at the light. A fangirl appeared around the corner, blocking their pack. Ike threw on the brakes, causing Pit to crash into his back. "Wrong way!" Ike screamed hysterically as they reversed direction.

They were met with the first group of fangirls at the back. "Shoot, we're trapped!" Ike muttered. Pit whimpered in fear.

"Guys, up here!" a voice called. Ike twisted his head and saw Marth on a roof, pointing at a ladder. Ike picked Pit up and tossed him overhead. The angel spiraled up and alighted on the concrete while Ike took the ladder.

The three sprinted along the rooftops, knocking down the ladders along the way so the fangirls couldn't follow them. They took a few nondescript turns, finally coming to a halt by a pile of boxes. Everyone was there, including Snake.

"How'd you get free?!" Pit gasped through quick bursts of breath.

"You don't want to know," he replied coolly, lighting up a cigarette.

"Everyone here?" Roy asked. Six heads nodded. "Good. The Mansion's just over that hill."

"So...we just run there, avoiding the fangirls?" Link inquired.

"Pretty much," Roy replied.

"Let's go then." Satoshi summoned up Charizard and simply flew back, expertly dodging the nets they fired.

Link and Snake went next, racing through the corridors. A few smoke bombs went off, and the two were clear. They entered through a closed window. Yes, closed. The shattering of breaking glass roused Master Hand, who instantly fixed the window, berating the two in a booming voice.

Just the Fire Emblem trio and Pit were left. The four dropped and hit the ground running through the maze of backroads. They split into two groups, Ike and Pit in one, Marth and Roy in the other. Another fork forced Marth and Roy to split again, each taking a separate path.

Ike and Pit were almost instantly forced to turn back, as the fangirls were lying in wait for them. They darted along a side path, diving behind a box as they passed and panting heavily. _Crud...these roads are so labyrinthine, it'll take all day for us to make it out_, Ike thought, doubled over with his hands on his knees.

Marth crept along a side passage, watching with a keen eye. He somehow failed to notice the fangirl lurking in the shadows. She promptly glomped him, driving him to the ground. Marth struggled, terrified.

"I was looking for Roy," she purred, "but you'll do, Blue!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Marth wailed as he was dragged away. He scrabbled at the ground, trying to find something to hold on to.

A hand grabbed his, pulling him out of her grasp. She looked back and froze, then fainted from a titanic nosebleed.

Marth stood shakily, glancing up. "Roy?!" he cried upon seeing the red-head, making both a WTF face and the O_o face at the same time. The pyromaniac was both shirtless and pantsless. Marth fervently thanked whatever gods there were that he still had underwear on, even if they were a bit small and tight around the (Author Note: Fangirls, you may now start drooling. XD). "Roy, what happened to your clothes?" Stupid question, really, he could see all of it under his arm, including his armor, sword, and headband.

"I figured out that if you're mostly naked, it immobilizes them roughly 95% of the time." Roy heard pounding feet. "Crap, here they come, quick, take it off!" The redhead whipped Marth's shirt over his head and tore at the cape, yanking his gloves off and knocking the tiara off his head. He was in the process of getting the bluenette's pants off when the fangirls appeared around the corner.

Bad, bad, BAD thing.

The scene was every yaoi fangirl's dream: an almost-naked Roy with a shirtless Marth, Roy trying to remove Marth's pants.

Every fangirl stopped and stared. The teens stared back with the e_e face on.

After about two seconds, the more narrow-minded fangirls went "OMG MARTH/ROY!! SQUEEEEE-*faint from nosebleed*" The ones who could look a bit deeper saw the pervy side and screamed "AGHAHASITDAGH YAOII!!! *faint from nosebleed*" Those two groups had very happy expressions on their faces as they went down.

The more strong-minded fans who were able to retain their sanity at such a (admittedly delicious) sight were still staring. Out of the side of his mouth, Marth asked "Roy...you said 95%, what about the other 5% of the time?"

Roy slowly took his hands away from Marth's pants and scooped their discarded and disheveled clothing off the ground, never taking his eyes off the other twenty or so fans who weren't on the ground.

In an instant, all of them gave out wild fangirl screams and started after them with renewed energy and vigor. "THAT!!" Roy yelled as he rushed down the other end of the street. Marth followed with a yelp.

"I wonder how many fanfictions we just spawned!" Marth called over his shoulder

"I don't even want to think about that!!" Roy shrieked as he whipped past a fangirl who tried to grab him around the waist.

The minute they lost the group, Roy panted "Yeah...if shirtless and/or pantsless doesn't cut it, you really have no choice but to go in the raw."

Marth choked and stared at the red-head with the O_o face on. "Are you frickin' serious?!" he hissed, slowly turning scarlet.

"Deadly. Walking around buck naked is really the only surefire way to stop them." Roy grinned as he watched the color drain out of Marth's face. "Think I'm kidding?"

"I think you're insane!" the bluenette prince sputtered. "Wait...won't being naked just encourage them?"

"True, it's about a coinflip chance...Watch." Roy leaped off the ground and headed for the end of the alley. Marth followed, going red and shaking his head. A group of nearly fifty fangirls were converging on Ike, who was backing away slowly.

Roy whistled. "Hey, over here!" Every fangirl head turned. In one swift motion, Roy dropped his underwear around his ankles, crossing his arms over the back of his head, displaying his chest. Each fangirl let out a massive 'squee!' and keeled over backward, twitching and fantasizing. Marth was careful not to look down.

Ike looked up and immediately wished he hadn't. He blushed bright red, eye twitching erratically. Pit peeped around Ike's back. The mercenary covered the angel's eyes with a hand.

Roy turned toward Marth, grinning. "See? I get to prove I'm right, and we save Ike from the fangirls. Two birds, one stone."

_Dear god, PLEASE face somewhere else,_ Marth pleaded in his head. "On the negative side, you get to mentally scar both Ike and me, and possibly Pit, most likely forever, and you also inspire a bunch of lemony fanfictions."

"Oh? How do you know?" Roy asked, diving for his underwear.

"Are you kidding? I can smell the citrus from here!"

The argument was cut short as another group of fangirls started toward them. All four made a break for the Smash Mansion, hauling rear out of that god-forsaken place.

Pit flew and smashed through a second-story window, into the room where Zelda and Peach were busy making out. "I'll pretend I saw nothing!" he yelled as he zipped down the hall, leaving both princesses blinking repeatedly. Ike, Roy, and Marth went in through the front door, double-locking it and activating the laser beams. After what they just went through, they reasoned, a little paranoia couldn't hurt at all.

At dinner, Samus looked over the group – frazzled Ike, Pit, Link, Satoshi, and Snake, shirtless Marth, and nearly naked Roy. Pit was repeatedly muttering, "My eyes, they burn," rocking back and forth in his chair.

"I don't want to know," the bounty hunter declared, picking at her food.

"No you do not," Marth mumbled, taking a bite.

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**Oh man, this was a BLAST to write. Read and Review pwease! and even *gasp* FAVE! :3**


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